The loney Thief and the greedy Crab
by SteveJobs-Kun
Summary: What happens when you put a Gerudo and a Crab together? A pair of mafia bros who want to take over the world. But they will soon realize that money and power are not the only thing that they were looking for.


Chapter 1 WE'RE GOING TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD PINKY

Gannondorf was walking along the desert. Searching for the triforce had made him weary so he had decided to rest at a small pool of water. As he pondered to himself, he saw a small crab waddling with its tiny little legs. For some reason the "_delicious crab meat_" looked sad. He went over to it. All of a sudden, he heard a sound. "Watch where you're fuckin goin' ya bottom feeder!" Gannondorf was surprised. He never knew that crabs could talk. "What are you going to do?" he said. "You're just a pathetic crab!" The crab gave a good look at the Gerudo King and then proclaimed "I'm Mr. Krabs and aint no one fucks wit me!" Mr. Krabs then proceeded to pinch Gannondork in the leg. "Ouch! Watch it with the claws you big red whore! Why I know what I should do! I should transform into me beastly self and beat the shittalkingmushrooms out a you!" said the pissed off gerudo. "You can transform!?" said the greedy crab. "Why yes. But it's no concern of yours!" said Ganondorf. "Please. I need your help! My archrival **_PLANKTON_**, has stolen all mee customers! He must a stolen the krabby patty formula!" said Mr Krabs. "What the fuck is a 'krabby patty'"? asked Gannondorf. "Why, it's only the most delicious thing to ever exist in the high seven seas!" said the crab. "Who cares?" said gannondork. I'm not that annoying fish bitch princess Ruto!" Mr. Krabs then procceded to beg. "Please. If you help me get all the money in the world, I will help you get anything in return." Ganondorf now seemed to be intrigued. "Money eh? I can help you, but I want you to help me conquer the world in return." Mr. Krabs nodded his head. 'Ay, tis a deal then!"

Chapter 2 CHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCCCCCCCCLLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTEEEEE

Mr. Krabs brought Gannondorf over to the krusty krab. Gannondork noticed how there was another restaurant next to that of the crabs. "There's my problem! That no good, double crossin' **_PLANKTON_**! He's stealing all me customers! Why I otta!" Suddenly the heard a noise come from the bushes. A masked stranger had emerged. "So you want to take care of the competition eh? Well I can help ya. Names hamburgler. I'm part of da fast food mafia and I was tinkin that I could let you twerps in with ma crew. So what do ya say?" Mr Krabs looked at the man and then back at his restaurant. "Well I don't know..." The hambuttla scoffed at the red aborted fetus. "Here. This here's ma gun. But I tink I can let you borrow it, if ya know wat I mean...?" Mr. Krabs threw the gun down. He wanted no pity from the ginger tuxedo mask. "No... I'll do it meeself!" Mr Krabs than ran into the Chum Bucket. He lunged forward at Plankton and screamed "Skool is 4 Chumps!" and took out his claw. In two seconds, he tore the tiny midgets eye ball out. "AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG" screamed Plankton.

"WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO THAT UGINE! I THOUGHT WE WERE BROS!" Mr. Krabs took one last look at his archrival. "DATTEBAYO BI-ATCH!" he screamed. He swung his claw. It was over. Plankton had been cut in two.

Chapter 3 WE'VE GOT COREY IN THE HOUSE

It was now official. Gannondorf and Mr. Krabs had became mafia members with the Hambugger. The took out anyone they saw as a threat. Ronald McDick, Burger Kingkongchingchong, that annoying Wendy's bitch. Even that retarded Dominos mascot. It was now time for Mr. Krabs to hold up his part of the bargain. "Uguine" he said. "It is time... To take over the world Pinky!" Mr. Krabs sighed. "Aiii mee lad. But how are we gonna do it!?" Gannondork thought up a plan and he thought it up quick. "Why, with science dear Pinky. With science. First we take over Obama's job. I want to become the president of the United States of A Murica. FUCK YEAHHHHH!". Mr Krabs had an idea. "Oh, I know!" he said. "Have yee ever seen that Disney show. I believe it was urr, called Cory in the House." Gannondorf looked displeased. "Why would I, the Gerudo King, watch a dumb fucking Didney show. I bet it couldn't even hold a candle to That's so Raven.." he scoffed. "But listen." said Ugine. Corey's Dad, Mr. Baxter or some shit. I don't fuckin know, was the head chef for the President." Gannondork didn't know why he listened to his companion. "So" he said. Mr. Krabs then tried to explain it again. "We could pretend that **_you_** are the head chef, and I'm thee dinner. You could say ur delivering Crabs to Obama!" The Gerudo King looked disgusted. "I'm not going to give him krabs you SICK FUCK!" Mr. Krabs was astonished by his partners stupidity. "Aii mee lad. Just say ur delivurin lobsters for dinner then."

Chapter 4 THE END OF EVANG- I MEAN.. OBAMA

Gannonbanned, Hamfister and KKKrabs all managed to sneak into Da Perez's Office. It was time to finish what they had started. "There he is!" said the Hamburgler. "Go get em you guys!" Gannondork used all his Dark Magician magic powers and killed all the hoes and bitches standin in his way. They walked into to Obamas room. The president looked up from his desk. "What in the fuck..? I must be trippin hard on Acid again." he said. Gannondorf looked his president straight in the eyes. "ASTA LA VISTA MUTHERFUCKER!". The President looked amused. "Not so fast." Suddenly Obama's form started to change shape. What was he? Whatever it was, it turned into Robo-Krabs. "Just for that I'm going to kill your friend!" Obama shot red lazers out of his eyes. He had shot down the Hamburgler. He had fired hiz a lazor. "Why the fuck did you do that Ugine!?" the Gerudo King shouted. "It wasn't mii, I swear. It was that filthy robo-krabs!" The Hambugahh uttered his last words "SSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!" Mr. Krabs yelled at the Gerudo Chode. "Kill im for mii!" Gannondorf was confused. "But who's who!?" Gannondork came up to the Krabs on the left. He felt up his chest. "Ooohhh Theif-kun..." he murmured. "I didn't know that you had feelings for me..." Gannondorfs face turned angry. "That's because I don't you slut. The real Mr Krabs doesn't have a cold heart. Unlike you and your metal body. O-b-a-m-a." Obama was furious. "BUT HOW DID YOU-" Before the President could finish his sentence, Ganondorf shot him in the face where he stood. It was over. Obama was melting into a black puddle. They had won. Mr Krabs gazed over at his lover. "I'm so happy that you love me Gannondwarf. Even though you have a small penis." Gannondorf looked at his lover. "I know." He said. "Lets do it here in Obamas room. For us and our victory!" Gannondork and Mr. Krabs made out on Obama's desk. Gannondorf whipped out a dollar bill. Mr. Krabs moaned "A dolla make me holla honey boo boo..." Gannondorf ripped off Krabses pantaloons. He rubbed that dollar bill between Ugine's Krabby Patties. Mr. Krabs couldn't stand it. He needed to feel the thieves buldge inside him. Ganondorf looked pleased. "It's time." He said. He pushed hi self into Mr. Krab's pretty patty territory. Gannondorf could feel something changing inside him. Growing even. His heart must have grown three sizes. It must have been because Mr. Krabs had shown him how to love another human being. This was it. Just as Gannondork was about to release his load, he realized that he had grown. Into the Beast Gannon... To his horror... he realize that he had ripped Mr Krabs body to bits. He was everywhere. Gannon began to cry. He held up a bloodied meat claw with his snout. He couldn't live with himself anymore. He ran away into the forest, never to be seen again.

JUST KIDDING EPILOUGE

It was Mr. Krabs funeral. At his tombstone read "Here lies squidwards hopes and dreams." After the funeral, a stranger walked towards the tombstone. He cried "LOBSTERFEST IS DEAD!" and started to cackle. Bob from the restaurant 'Bobs Burger's' was now the only food joint left in town.


End file.
